Smelling Fresh and Ready for Action

Another day, another step closer to the restraining order.

Arrived at work this morning wearing new jumper and shirt and new pants and socks - no one can see the undies, but new ones always make you feel more confident (especially snug lycra ones). On top of the clothes, I also have on my new fragrance. I've been trying to find a 'signature' scent for years and nothing ever seemed worthy of that label. I felt like I was doing myself an injustice for not having a fragrance that always made people think of me and it had been causing me grief for ages. I stumbled across the new one from Hermes and fell in love with it instantly. So, now I douse myself in it every day and it is scrumptious and I can relax that I have a signature.

The autumn sun was shining and made the walk from Moorgate to the office a little bit less harrowing. The new playlist on my iPod was choc-full of songs I haven't heard for months and I was enjoying the walk.

When I got to work, I popped into the kitchen to fill up my bottle of water at the cooler and, as is the case most mornings due to the fact we only have one cooler, I had to join a queue. And which co-worker did I have to stand behind? Mr Sexy Delicious himself, of course. Today he is wearing a white shirt and brown fitted trousers with some yummy brown brogues.

This was fine until everyone else left the kitchen and it was just me standing next to him waiting for him to fill his bottle. As I was studying his trousers snugly fitting his arse, his manly hands grasping his bottle and his messy hair framing his chiselled face, he looked up and said, "sorry".

Yanked from my fantasy, I said, "oh, don't worry - we need more than one of these... water... err... things".

"Torturous wait, isn't it?" he replied and walked off.

What does this mean? Does he even know I exist? Did my new aftershave make him realise that he does love men and he wants to whisk me off for a dirty weekend? This surely must be confirmation that he feels the same way about me as I do about him.

Hmm, or was he just thinking, "who is that weirdo that keeps appearing behind me, wearing too much cheap aftershave?"

No, that can't be right. It cost £45 a bottle. It must be that he loves me too.

I will await his email confirming his undying love for me with breath that is bated.