Talking telephone numbers

Question: If you work full-time in a job you detest, you want to buy lots of new clothes and you're fabulously underpaid, what's the best way to make a bit of extra income*?

Answer: Forget the usual part-time jobs of waiting tables, tending bars or selling all your old vinyl on eBay. Take a leaf out of Doormouse's book and launch a new career as a gay chat line operator.

Yes, he now spends his evenings working on a chat line, answering his home phone to 'male callers who require both short and long conversations**'.

According to the manual they give out to new employees, your recorded introduction could be something like this: "Hi, I'm Gary, a 24 year old transvestite. I have a very playful side and a really broad imagination. How about you?"

However, their most important piece of advice comes later:

'In sex chats only, use sound effects if appropriate - but make sure they sound realistic. Don't overdo it - a few 'mmmmms' can be all that's required.'

If only I had a landline, I'd be joining up this evening.

* £10.80 an hour between 8pm and 8am weekends and Bank Holidays
** Depending how quickly (or slowly) you can get them off