Hag's Fag

It's Monday morning and I'm finding it hard to function. I had too much fun at the weekend and now I'm paying the price.

I went out with my number one Lady Friend, Snow, on Saturday in the hope of meeting men. She's only recently come out of a long-term relationship, so she needed to be reminded of how gorgeous and in demand she is.

We went to a club called The Playbar on Old Street and we both had our eyes peeled for hotties. I'd always thought that it should be the Gay Boy flirting with all and sundry and the Lady Friend just stands around feeling raw and exposed. It was other way round for us.

All the boys there wanted a piece of Snow and she was lapping up the attention. The best looking bloke in the club was a six foot strapping hunk - broad shoulders, clearly well-built and with cheekbones you could hang your jacket on. They had eye contact on the dancefloor and got chatting and Snow was clearly able to ignore the fact he was wearing Gucci loafers and had on a bit too much Joop aftershave.

Cut to half an hour later and I'm still dancing on my own, throwing myself around the dancefloor while she enjoyed snog after snog.

At the end of the night, she couldn't find The Hunk, so we went on a bit of a mission to look for him. He was down the back, sitting by the toilets, all over some other (much less attractive) girl.

We laughed as we left the club and Snow took it all in good spirits.

"How does it feel to be snubbed for a fat munter?" I asked.
"I wouldn't mind," she said. "But he was only 19!"

Rejected by a teenager. Humiliating!!