Keep 'em Coming

This scam baiting thing is really keeping me occupied at lunch. I say 'at lunch', but obviously I am dealing with it during work hours when I should be keeping to my deadlines. Still, it's Friday and I don't wanna work! Here was the latest email from my good friend Solomon:

"How are you today and thanks for your email.

"You sound very serious in your write-up but unfortunately you are not matching your word with action in my last email I attached a text of application for you to send to the bank for onward processing of your fund and this I expected you to have done if you are really serious and aggrieved over your missing fund, and now the opportunity is here for you to retrieve it, I feel you should not leave any stone unturned but to swing into action.

Please I want to hear from you that you have submitted the application as directed to the bank we do not have time on our side."

I get the impression he isn't going to take much more without me actually doing something, so here is what I sent back:

"I am sorry that you feel I am not backing up my words with my actions. I feel that I have offended you and that is not what I wanted to do.

"I am still very much interested in this project and if you could tell me what I need to do now for you, I will gladly do it straight away.

"I do not want to annoy you and I pray that you are still OK with me. Are you, Solomon? I must also tell you upfront that I would not be giving any of this money to charity. I do drink a fair amount of alcohol and I like to go to nightclubs and dance with hunky young men. Sometimes I even spend my money on illegal substances, but only on birthdays and 'special occasions'.

"Would you still be willing to give me the money if you knew that it was going to be used for immoral purposes? I am only telling you my intentions as a one-off act of honesty.

"Please get back to me Solomon, and then we can get this show on the road, as we say here in the UK."

I'd be upset if this is the last contact I have with Mr Solomon Toure or Ecobank.