Plan of Action

It's day one of five in the office and the only thing that makes sitting in front of my computer screen ploughing through stacks of work even remotely bearable, is the knowledge that if I turn my head to the left about 100 degrees and peer over the filing cabinet, I can see Mr Sexy Delicious sitting at his desk. Today his suit is black and it fits very snugly.

I was speaking to my Lady Friend at the weekend and she is falling more and more in lust with him based merely on my description and the grainy images on my mobile. I insisted that she needs to just 'turn up' to my next work function as my guest and then when he sees her, he will fall for her too and then they can run off together. Obviously, in my ideal fantasy, it's me he runs off with, but I am a realist and I really don't think he enjoys Man Love, no matter how many Red Stripes he's had. The way I see it is, if Snow can bag him, then at least I'll get to enjoy him through her.

We came up with a fool proof plan: my office is in need of a new event organiser as our current one has left, so I think I will put my name forward and then the next time we have a party, I will be the point of contact for anyone with questions.

Then I can slip the following line into any conversation I have with the gorgeous William:

"Yes, William, we are having the party at Bar 242 on Blackfriars Road. By the way, my friend Snow is very interested in meeting you - would you approve of a blind date? She is 5'10" with luscious brown locks, she's stunningly attractive with a body to die for - and she's as witty as she is street smart. She's interested in you because I've been telling her for months how handsome you are and as you don't bat for my team, I thought...what's that...you DO bat for my team? You'd like to take me out for a meal, you say? Well, then forget that bitch, she's a nobody - let's go."

I think that'll work.