I am now a Scam Baiter

The world of publishing is a frantic one and my office is a constant hive of activity; writers panicking over deadlines; editors dashing around the office barking orders and phones ringing every second of the day. Somehow in amongst all this noise and commotion, I have embarked on a new and rather time consuming hobby: Scam Baiting.

It started when I logged on to an old Hotmail address I no longer use and there was an unread email from someone calling himself Solomon Toure, and this is what he said:

"...I work with the Accounts Department of Ecobank, here in Abijan, Republic of Cote d'Ivoire... this business is in respect of the sum of $4,410,000) only deposited in my bank account which belonged to an American businessman, Mr Andrew Shoemaker, who unfortunately lost his life in an auto accident which happened ob January 19 2004, including his wife and only daughter..."

He goes on to ask me to do the following:

"...I am contacting you to act as next of kin to Mr Andrew Shoemaker. With your permission this fund will be transferred to your private account abroad... If you find this proposal acceptable, I expect your urgent response and on receipt of that, we shall deliberate on the sharing ratio... Please keep this confidential for security reasons..."

This is clearly a scam whereby they dupe me into receiving a forged cheque of greater value than they promised, asking me to wire over the difference. Then a couple of days later I find the cheque has bounced and I am out of pocket to the tune of hundreds or thousands of pounds. I'm not stupid enough to fall for that, so I thought I might have a little bit of fun with Mr Toure. Here's my reply:

"Dear Mr Solomon Toure, Accounts Department, Ecobank, Abijan, Republic of Cote d'Ivoire,

This is going to surprise you, but I am actually related to a Mr Andrew Shoemaker. He is my cousin and he moved to America years ago. He married and has a daughter, Sally, and they all enjoyed going to Disneyland and EuroDisney, amongst other things.

"I lost contact with my cousin Mr Andrew Shoemaker well over three years ago and for the last nine months, I've been trying to get in touch with him - he owed me some money.

"Do you think it's likely that this is the same Mr Andrew Shoemaker? I am not sure how I feel about this: I am very sad if this is my cousin and he, his wife and their daughter, Sally, are all now dead and buried; but if it is him, I would very much like to claim back the money he stole from me all those years ago as a result of our failed cocktail umbrella business.

"Please, Mr Solomon, can you tell me if this Mr Andrew Shoemaker had any distinguishing marks on his body? My cousin had a birthmark on his right cheek that looked something like a 4-leaf clover. If this is the same man, I am very lucky, don't you think?

"Please get back to me and we can discuss the 'sharing ratio' as you so intriguingly put it.

"Yours etc etc..."

I hope Solomon replies. I'd like this to go on for a while.