11 July 2008

Is the glass actually half full?

A delightful chap called Justin commented on my previous post and told me how he is somewhat jaded when it comes to dating. He said that while he knows there are some decent blokes out there, he has met very few of them and the rest of them are only interested in one thing.

If someone were to ask how I feel about life in general and dating in particular, I would happily say that I am a confirmed pessimist. However, his opinion has left me thinking that maybe I am more of an optimist than I initially thought.

Regarding my trials and tribulations in the world of dating, I am more than satisfied being single. I have never felt the need to validate my existence through having a relationship. When it comes to exes, I am pretty much baggage-free. And, while seeing your friends' relationships is not the same as living through them yourself, I am delighted that I haven't had to go through some of the things that I've helped others through.

In my experience, there is still something of a stigma attached to being single. I've lost count of the amount of people who smile patronisingly and say, 'Oh, it would be so nice if you could meet someone, too.' I take offense to this assumption that being in a relationship is better than not.

Being single, I don't have to answer to anyone. I can go out after work and stay out all night without having to call anyone and let them know where I'm going. I can dance in a club for hours and not be accused of flirting with every man in the room. And if I want to indulge in some harmless banter with someone inappropriate, i don't have to feel guilty.

There are things that I don't have through being single. I would like someone to make a grand romantic gesture once in a while. I'd like to get home after a long week at work and find that I am being whisked off for a fancy meal somewhere, or even a weekend away. Even less dramatic, i'd like to have a couple of snogs with someone who I quite like. And this is why I had dipped my toes in the risky world of internet dating. Not to find 'The (ever allusive) One', but to just have a bit of fun.

But, while my standards are too high to allow me to settle for second best just for the sake of saying I have a boyfriend (see my flatmate and the fact that he has pretty much moved in his wildly inappropriate boyfriend of two weeks simply because he can't bear to be single), I am hopeful that there will be someone out there one day who makes me smile.

The perfect relationship probably doesn't exist and the perfect man certainly doesn't. But I am happy to accept that there is a bloke out there who would be over the moon to sit and listen to me talk about the most mundane things. Just because he enjoys spending time with me.


Anonymous said...

Well said Denim Boy!!

However, the perfect relationshhip does exists. It may not fit what society expects or accepts. It is merely a mutual agreement of respect between two (or even 3, who's to say!) individuals. Those within the relationship set the parameters through dialogue and communication, a breakdown of which causes most to disintergrate.

I have a stressful job and it would be heaven to have someone to wind down with at the end of the week. Unlike you, I live on my own and often quite lonely in the middle of this densely populated city.

I shall drink a special toast to you later.


Andy said...

Well, I hope you do find him m'dear. Yes, being free by being single is grand, but then there is.. not having many people? I'm quite lonely but life can be lived alone.. so I don't really care much anymore. I'm a bit selfish so it's nice to just think about myself instead of wasting my time on others.

Wow, sorry for sounding so mean but 'tis true. If I ever do fall in love, I want him to be wanting the relationship as much as I do. Hopefully my bitterness won't get in the way of it though. Hopefully he'll heal my heart? o_O

This comment probably sounds like I was blabbing about. Oh well.

Mark Anthony said...

One should be happy, single or taken :)

I'd rather be Prince Charming, than wait for him to come save me.

Denim Boy said...

Anonymous and Andy: I hear what you're saying and I am not going to worry about being single any more.
Mark Anthony: What a genius idea. I had never looked at it like that. From this point on, I will be Prince Charming. Thanks!

Mia said...

You have so well articulated what I think.
You write beautifully.


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