09 July 2008

He's just not that into me

The world of online dating is a ruthless place. Having been on a date with Nigel that didn’t really go anywhere, I decided it was time to search again and see if there was anyone else on the site that might be worth contacting. Some of my friends are also on the site and the straight female ones seem to have had a fair amount of success, but it turns out that for gays, it is slim pickings.

I had a scout through and when I realised there weren’t any really decent men, I decided to get in touch with some not-so-decent blokes. I sent off various witty (I thought) emails and waited with bated breath. The good thing (or maybe the bad thing) about this particular site is that you can see when people have read the messages you send. Of course, when three days have passed and they still haven’t got back to you, all you want to do is send them another one saying, ‘I wasn’t even interested in you anyway and now you’re snubbing me?’

Anyway, one bit and sent a reply. All was going well; we exchanged emails, he seemed like he wasn’t harbouring any psychotic tendencies and his replies weren’t littered with spelling mistakes, but then he went and ruined it. When we got onto the topic of music, I mentioned that I had been to see Prince last year at the O2 (best night of my life) and he replied with: ‘My musical tastes are pretty limited. I like all the usual stuff – Abba, Steps, S Club 7 and Scooch.’ At what point did he think it was acceptable to say that to a Prince fan, of all people? Needless to say, I ceased communication forthwith.

Then next potential suitor was The Man Mountain. His profile listed his build as ‘athletic’ and he had the look of a mad man about him. He also stated that he wasn’t looking for an email marathon and was only on the site to meet up with people. That worked for me, so I fired off an email. Within minutes he got back to me and suggested we meet after work. Having sent his picture, email address and mobile number to all of my friends (should I go missing and end up chopped to bits and dumped in the Thames), I agreed.

The evening was fine. He was indeed very athletic and the conversation was flowing. However, the roid rage was a bit of a problem as he started on two separate groups of four people and I decided early on that I wasn’t really up for anything with a sociopath.

He asked me what I wanted out of the evening and what I was looking for. Before I had a chance to answer, he said: ‘I’d like to see you again, but I think maybe we should go on the pull together.’

Fair enough, I thought. I wasn’t actually interested, but as soon as he had said that, I suddenly really wanted to kiss him. I didn’t, but we did agree that he would email me the next day so that we could arrange an evening out.

Eight days have passed and still no email. Why is it all you need to hear is that someone’s not interested and then they’re all you can think about?

I had to delete his number from my phone for fear of drunken text messages. And in spite of it all, I’m still logging on and searching for Mr Right. I doubt he’s on there.


Anonymous said...

In my experience, the easist way to find someone is to totally stop looking and be happy in your independence. Just when you've settled in.......WHAM!!! He come in and throws all yours plans down the drain and before you know it, you're picking out china together.

Or rather this is what they tell me. I'm attractive, earn 6 figures a year and still can't find a partner.

I'm not selling myself to you, only want to say, I know what it is like!!

Anyway I don't trust gay men enough to enter into a relationstip with one I guess.

Denim Boy said...

Anonymous: I hear you loud and clear. I'm not even really looking especially, I just wanted to go on a few dates and see what was out there. Turns out, not much. But more to the point, you're attractive and earn six figures? Hello. Sell away - I'm one of the few trustworthy gays!

Anonymous said...

Well Denim, What I'm looking for is a romance. I want to be swept off my feet and made to feel like I matter and make a difference.

Gay men however don't do romance. The whole scene is so sex oriented and once they get their "leg over", so to speak, they're quickly looking for the next notch to etch onto their bedpost. Problem with that is I don't like to have sex. I find it a sad, empty experience. However, I love making love. There is a remarkable difference once you're with the right person.

I want to invest in someone and for someone to invest in me, but have been let down so many times and watched and observed the maschinations of my friends and aquientances that I have given up all hope.

But don't let it discourage you. Enjoy to searching. Can be real fun at times. (Until you see what he's really like.)

Denim Boy said...

Anonymous: Oh dear, you sound more jaded than I feel. I agree with most of what you say in that the majority of gays are only interested in one thing, but I don't think that's true of all of us.

I'd prefer to make love than have casual sex, but it's hard to find like-minded men. However, I am hopeful that they are out there. I've yet to meet one, but if you're not hopeful, there's nothing to look forward to.

I've already come to the conclusion that my Mr Right doesn't exist, but I am hoping to be proved wrong one day.

I also hope that someone comes along who will treat you properly and make you see that there are some decent ones out there.

Anonymous said...

I've given up so long looking for Mr Right. I'm searching for Mr Adaptable.

To err is human and we all have flaws, not to mention baggage. I'm glad for mine because I've learnt valuable lessons about life through them.

I wish you also the best of luck on your quest. I know there are decent men out there, and have even met a few, but that magical spark, that physical attraction.....just wasn't there.

But I can't help being cynical!

PS. Would love to see some more posts from you. Once or twice a month is lacking!

Qenny said...

Go out with friends, have a good time, but keep your eyes and ears open. When you look like you're having fun and happy in yourself, that's when you catch the eye of the right kind of man. The right kind of man is attracted to someone who is complete, who doesn't look like he needs a partner to be whole, but could be complemented, challenged and improved by being with someone special.

Admittedly, I am writing from a somewhat lucky place of having already found my Mr Right - but it took a long time, and only really happened once I wasn't actually looking.

Oh, and great to see you bloggin again.